by Helen Poulos
We all know that memories are an essential part of who we are. They shape our experiences and guide our reactions to the world around us. But what happens when certain memories are too painful to deal with? What if they get pushed to the back of our minds, hidden away in an attempt to protect us from emotional pain? Over time, repressed memories can affect our behavior, emotions, and decisions without us even realising it.
Modern research has shown that memory is far more malleable and fallible than we once thought. Even our most vivid memories are not as solid as we might believe. This means that memories can change, blur, or even be distorted over time. But what does this mean for repressed memories, the ones we try to forget because they’re too painful to face?
What Are Repressed Memories?
Repressed memories are those that we unintentionally bury because they’re linked to distressing emotions or traumatic events. Our mind sometimes pushes these memories into the background to protect us from being overwhelmed by the feelings attached to them. The problem is, over time, these memories don’t just vanish. They may resurface unexpectedly, often in ways that are confusing and difficult to understand. And when they do, they may come back in fragments, intertwined with incomplete details.
Imagine your mind as a linen cupboard where you store all your life experiences. Pleasant or neutral memories are folded neatly and placed in an orderly way. But when distressing memories come along, we don’t take the time to properly organise them. Instead, we might hastily shove them to the back of the cupboard, hoping we can avoid dealing with the painful feelings attached to them.
At first, these memories stay hidden, just like that one fitted sheet you quickly rolled up and pushed to the very back of the cupboard. But over time, with additional uncomfortable memories and emotions being avoided and shoved to the back, the harder it becomes to keep them buried. Once you start avoiding uncomfortable feelings it can be a slippery slope, making it hard to address one without the others surfacing unexpectedly desiring the same time and care.
Eventually, one day you open the cupboard, all those repressed memories tumble out at once, catching you off guard. It’s overwhelming, and it can feel like you’re drowning in everything you’ve ever been trying to avoid.
Can repressed memories be trusted?
Uncovering the truth about repressed memories can be confronting to those who have experienced them, as false memories can change the course of one's future. So here we have a very important question: Can repressed memories be trusted?
When repressed memories resurface, they often don’t come back in a neat, organised way. Because these memories weren’t processed carefully when they first occurred, they may surface incomplete or distorted. It’s like opening that linen cupboard only to find tangled sheets that haven’t been properly folded. Our brains don’t like gaps, so in an effort to make the memories "fit," or make sense of them, we often fill in the blanks, creating new narratives that may not be entirely accurate.
This is why it's so important to approach repressed memories carefully. When you’re trying to make sense of memories that have been buried for so long, it’s easy to misinterpret them or create false recollections that can do more harm than good. This is especially true when we try to dive into the past without proper support, hoping to find answers or healing in memories that might not be entirely accurate.
How Therapy Can Help
In therapy, the goal isn’t to unearth every hidden memory, but to process those that are resurfacing in a way that is gentle and manageable. It’s about creating a safe space where you can explore these memories without becoming overwhelmed or consumed by them.
Therapists often use mindfulness and grounding techniques to help you stay focused on the present moment while processing painful memories. This allows you to acknowledge your feelings and memories without letting them take control of your reactions or behaviors. By learning how to stay present and grounded, you can begin to make sense of the past without being constantly pulled back into it.
The key to healing is not in endlessly rehashing memories but in understanding how they’ve shaped you, while also building the skills to move forward in a healthier way. Dwelling on repressed memories for too long can lead to unhealthy patterns, such as ruminating on past events or becoming trapped in cycles of anxiety and distress.
Moving Forward Without Being Overwhelmed
Repressed memories can be difficult to process, especially when they resurface all at once, or at unexpected times in your daily life. However, with the right support, you can work through these memories safely and at your own pace. Therapy can help you unpack these memories in a way that feels less overwhelming and more empowering.
By approaching these memories with care and mindfulness, you can start to make sense of your past without letting it control your future. The goal isn’t to dig up every forgotten moment but to understand how those moments have shaped you—and to heal in a way that supports your well-being.
If you're struggling with resurfacing memories or feel like your past is affecting your present, therapy can help you process it all in a way that’s safe, healthy and healing.
If you're concerned about changes in your behaviour but aren't sure what's actually going on or if therapy is warranted, schedule a free phone call with me to find out
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